TheOriginalJada.com

I realized something in the moments between peeing in a cup, removing a small of amount of urine with a disposable dropper, letting a few droplets land on a small oval of reactive paper and then waiting for one or two pink lines to appear: I have never taken a pregnancy test without wanting the results to come back positive. What a lucky and privileged thing to be able to say. Wishing for positive instead of negative. Just the language alone supports the good fortune. And lucky me, I got my positive. Twice now.

When you are trying to conceive and anxious for it to happen, the pregnancy test takes on a huge importance and an almost ritualistic quality. Surprisingly enough, I learned this time around that Dollar Store tests are very sensitive and just as accurate as the much more expensive varieties found in drug stores. And they have the added bonus of costing only one dollar — so that’s how they came up with that clever name for the store!

I resisted the temptation to become a “Pee on a Stick” addict because I found the negatives too disappointing and I don’t like to cry in the bathroom first thing in the morning. Instead I would anxiously wait until my period was officially due and then begin the ritual of unwrapping the small sterile little tray, the plastic disposable dropper and then voiding first morning’s urine into a plastic cup.

The first month mh and I were trying, my period was due the day after Mother’s Day. I jumped the gun a bit and decided to test for the first time on Mother’s Day morning, convinced I was pregnant and thinking two pink lines would be the perfect Mother’s Day present. Instead, it came up negative. I didn’t cry and I wasn’t too disappointed because I was still convinced I was pregnant and that it was just too early to register. Admittedly, there may have even been some blaming of stupid Dollar Store pregnancy tests.

At brunch later that morning with mh and The Little Man, I ordered a Bloody Mary extra spicy but was sure to order it Virgin because of the little bean. We sat by the fireplace of the restaurant as it poured buckets outside, and I looked at my two precious boys and for a split second I realized that even if I didn’t get another baby, I would still be the luckiest woman I know and so happy in my life. And then I smiled at the thought of the little tiny baby growing inside of me and how much richer my life was about to become, and then I tucked into the steak and eggs.

Three days later there was a pink spot on the toilet paper when I wiped, and a few hours later my period had unmistakably and undeniably arrived. I cried when I told mh about it when he arrived home from work. He took us out to diner and I had a glass of wine. It didn’t taste all that good. That night as we laid in bed talking before going to sleep, I realized how foolish I had been thinking I would get pregnant that first month of trying. I’m 34, and yes I am very healthy and have one of the lowest stress lives imaginable and I have conceived and carried a baby to term before without issues or complications, but to think it would happen immediately was vain and foolish. So, I relaxed and decided to just let it happen if it was going to happen.

Memorial Day weekend we went camping and according to the dates from the ultrasound, Baby B was created sometime that weekend. Conceived in a tent. It’s fitting somehow. And instead of the positive test being a Mother’s Day present for me, I waited a day to tell mh the good news on Father’s Day.

We told The Little Man right away and he immediately declared that he wants Baby B to be a boy, but either way he’d still be happy to finally be a big brother. The Grandmas and my sister all want a girl. mh and I just want a healthy baby with all it’s parts, whether they be girl parts or boy parts. On October 7 we find out one way or another, and we are expecting our latest family member to make it’s grand appearance on February 14. Our little Valentine.

I’m thinking I would like to try this again. No excuses, no justifications, I just want to write here. We’ll see how it goes.